PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
