Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
