Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Enjoy the penises
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
