Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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