is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
