Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
