just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
