Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
