thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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