Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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