I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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