I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
