I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
