Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am one with the molecules
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
