thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
