You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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