Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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