i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
