Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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