It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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