All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
