You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
