Screwed.edu
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
