I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
