i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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