I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
