Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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