you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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