I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
