sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
