Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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