PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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