im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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