I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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