Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
