sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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