i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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