shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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