i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
