Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
