I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
