So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
