The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
