one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
