His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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