shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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