i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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