I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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