There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
