hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there was a trapeze. enough said
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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