dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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