i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
