Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
