it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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