I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
