stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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