Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
