Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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