there's paper in my vomit.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
