How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
vagina is talking i cant
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
