Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
