Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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