i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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