can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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