I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha