when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.