He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"