i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk