I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.