I understand Curling. That high.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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