Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.