That's intense
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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