"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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