My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
