I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
