I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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