you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
